Whatever your parents have, will ultimately be yours!

“Hi Kanchan, how are you?”

“Hi Vikas, I am fine. What happened? You called so late!”

“Yes Kanchan, I don’t know how to say this, but I think, we will have to cancel our booking for that flat.”

“Oh, why? what happened? Wasn’t the broker suppose to get the paperwork done before our wedding? And now with just a week to go, what is the issue?”

“Even I don’t know. That broker just called and said, we need to give the remaining 20 lakhs within a week, or else the booking will be cancelled and we will loose our token money too.”

“Oh, but how can he do that now? With the wedding preparations and all, already we have a lot on our heads. How are we going to arrange 20 lakhs now?”

“That is what I was thinking. May be I should cancel the booking. Yes 10 lakh token money will be gone, but it’s impossible to arrange 20 lakhs in less than a week. I will call him first thing in the morning and cancel the flat. It’s just that, I did not wanted you to suffocate in our small flat, with a joint family, so I booked that flat, to give you a comfortable life. But I guess, we will have to let it go and look for another one in a few years.”

“Vikas, 10 lakhs is a big amount. Can’t the broker refund it?”

“No, I asked him and he refused.”

“Vikas, wait for sometime. Let me call you back.”

“Vikas, I just spoke to Dad. He is ready to give 20 lakhs. He said, he wanted to give a nice gift for the wedding anyways and was thinking of buying a car. But a house sounds even better and he said he will pay for it. He wanted to give the entire 30 lakhs, but I refused and told him to give 20 lakhs only.”

“No Kanchan, I can’t accept the money from you. I wanted to buy the flat for us, with my own money and I would have easily paid the installments, but this broker messed the whole thing. No! I better cancel the flat. How can I take money from your father?”

“It is OK Vikas, remember, your parents are my parents and my parents are your parents. And what shame in taking help from parents? Dad is happy to help. Let him.”

“Ok Kanchan, I don’t want to, but if you are pushing so much, then I will let him help, but I will return the money soon.”

“Ok baba, whatever you want to.”

“I love you, Kanchan.”

“I love you too,Vikas.”

………x…..x……x…….x……x……x……x…..

“Vikas, Can we buy a small car for me? It takes more than 2 hours to reach office by bus. If I have my own car, I can drive to office and reach in less than an hour.”

“Ok, I will think about it Kanchan.”

“Kanchan, I have a better idea, Why don’t you bring over your old car from your house, that you used to drive before you got married? You can bring that car here and use it, meanwhile, I will book another, new one for you. This way you won’t have to wait for a new car.”

“Yes, I can, but Mom drives it now.”

“Oho, Mom use it to go to kitty parties and buy vegetables. She can always book a cab. She doesn’t use that car much. It mostly stands covered in the parking. Moreover just talk to your Mom and see what she thinks about it? I am sure, if she know, that you need that car, they will not say no to you.”

“Yes, they will not say no, but it doesn’t feel right to keep asking them for something or the other. We still haven’t returned the money we took for this apartment.”

“That is because you said your father wanted to gift you a flat and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, or else, I would have returned the money long back.”

“Yes, but you only said you will return……”

Vikas was angry by now “Kanchan, I gave you option to live in our old house, with the family but you chose to live seperately in an apartment. It was your choice and you asked your father for the money. I did not force you to take money from your parents and now you are making me feel as if I made you take money from your family. Plus you are the only daughter and your parents have many properties and so much money. What else will they do with it? Who else will they give it? Whatever is theirs, finally you will get it. So what is the big deal about it?”

Kanchan felt those words cutting through her heart like a dagger. It was not the first time that Vikas said all this. It has been two years to their wedding and she heard all this quite often and she always kept quite because somehow, Vikas made it all seem right. Plus she also didn’t want to fight with Vikas over all these lame issues. After all he was right. Her parents were rich and buying her a flat or that diamond set that she liked and Vikas sent the pictures to her mother, without telling her and her mother transferred the money to Vikas’s account and Vikas bought that set for her on their first anniversary. She came to know about it much later that Vikas took the money from her mother and promised to return it but never did.

Or that trip to London. When Vikas was going to London for some office project for 10 days and Kanchan wanted to go too. What will she do here alone anyways and they were newly married and wanted to spend time with each other and her father booked Kanchan’s ticket because Vikas couldn’t afford a return ticket on such short notice, but he wanted Kanchan to go with her, so he told her father and he happily booked the tickets and transferred money in his account for shopping too.

Or that new furniture or fridge or down payment for a property in Delhi. Vikas always took money from her parents on a promise to return, but he never did and her parents never asked for the money because they wanted Kanchan to be happy.

But money can’t buy happiness. She looked around her house. Ninety percent of things in this house were given to her by her parents. She was not sure how long this will go on and she hated to take money from her parents. She was always an independant girl who made her own money, from a very young age and never took help from her parents. Her parents always taught her to be financially independant and have self respect.

When she met Vikas at an office event, she thought he was a man with values and strong convincing power, that is the reason he won all the awards in the Marketing and Sales department every year. He was a man of words. The way he presented himself, Kanchan was impressed and fell in his trap.

Vikas knew she was from a rich family, while Vikas’s father was a clerk in the Income Tax department. He lived with a joint family, in a small government quarter, all his life and Kanchan’s big house and even bigger car, her carefree attitude, her lifestyle, her beauty and dressing sense, everything about her impressed him and he managed her to fall in love with him and finally marry him. He knew his life was going to change and it did.

First he bought the house and then he furnished the entire house in the most luxurious way. Then he bought a big car and many foreign trips in just two years of marriage. He loved Kanchan very much. She was a very nice girl who respected his family and took genuine care of his parents. But all this was secondary to him. He was always ambitious and he felt suffocated in the house he lived all his life. His dreams were big and he wanted to achieve much more and Kanchan was the key to all his dreams. He always kept her happy and pampered.

Kanchan understood now but she felt helpless. She touched her grown belly. It was just two more months and the baby will come. She wondered how much her parents still have to pay after the baby comes. A tear ran down her cheeks and fell on her belly. She knew what she had to do. She went inside the room and started to pack her bag. She didn’t want her baby to be like father.

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Love n hugs.

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My wishlist for 2018 (wishlist of every mother)

  • I get to sleep for one entire night without any disturbance.


  • I get to spend one entire day alone, doing nothing, just chilling, relaxing and reading.


  • I get to eat my food without anyone’s foot or fingers in it or for that matter, without cleaning the poop, running nose or puke  in between.


  • I get to watch a movie.


  • I get some sleep.


  • I get to go shopping, without having to worry about the wailing and howling kids in the mall.


  • A peaceful poop time and a nice and long bath time would really be a blessing.


  • I get some more sleep.


  • An outing with friends every month….alone.


  • A nice and clean house…that remains clean an entire day.


  • I get to sleep an entire night.


  • Unbroken makeup and accessories.


  • Unbroken decorative items, utensils, furniture, lights, laptops and mobile phones etc.


  • How I wish, my kids start behaving and eat food properly without bringing the house down.


  • I get to sleep and relax one entire day and night.


  • I get my sanity back.


  • One day without shouting my lungs out, without threatening to throw away some stuff, without threatening to throw everyone out of the house.


  • My husband and kids be a little co-operative.


  • I get to sleep a little.


  • I get to go to the gym and get to work on my body too.


  • Some peace of mind would be great.


  • Some sleep would be even better.


  • A no cooking day every month.And trust me, as I am writing all this…I am laughing at myself for wishing the impossible.


But one can wish… 


Miracles happen.


That middle class girl 

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The motherkind

Types of mothers at the park:
Overprotective mom : After two blinks.. “OMG where’s my son?”
“OMG don’t sit on the rocker alone.”
“OMG don’t climb on that bush alone.”
Google mom : “What is that red patch on your arm? Let me google it.”
“Is this swing safe? Let me google it.”
“What plant is that? Let me google it.”
“Which insect is that? Let me google it.”

“What that kid is saying? Let me google it.”
LET’S GO TO THE DOCTOR” mom : “OMG you have a scratch on your leg. Let’s go to the doctor.”
“OMG there are mosquitoes today. Let’s go to the doctor.”
“OMG that friend of yours just sneezed. Let’s go to the doctor.”
Bagpack mom : “Mom can I have a snack?” “Yes honey here you go”.
“Mom I want to play with my teddy bear.”

” Yes honey here you go.”
“Mom my clothes are dirty.” “Yes honey I’ve got a change of clothes. Come let me change.”
“Mom I need to pee.” “Yes honey here’s our pot.”
Lunchbox mom : “Mom I am hungry.” “Come I’ve got lunch.”
“Mom I want to eat Pasta.” “Here, honey.”

“Mom I want to eat Pizza.” ” Here, honey.”
“Mom I need fresh watermelon juice.” Takes out watermelon from the bag. Mixer. Strainer. “Here, honey”.
Looking for a friend” mom : “That lady looks like a nice one, but why is she shouting so much?”
“That lady has so many yummy eatables in lunchbox. But if I befriend her, I’ll eat and become fat like her”.
“That lady looks fine. She has nice clothes on and is chilling in the park. Let me go and talk to her.”
Over commanding mom : “How dare you jump without asking me?”

“How dare you go there without asking me?”

“How dare you breathe without asking me?”
Angry mom : “Mom I got hurt.” “So what do you expect? If you will jump from this high a slide, you think you are superman, that you’ll land safely?”

“Mom I am hungry.” “When I ask you to eat lunch at home, you never eat and when I bring you here to the park, you are always hungry.”
Judgemental mom : “Honey don’t go and play with that boy, his clothes are dirty. He must be very notorious.”
“Why is that child alone? Where is his mother? Oh there she is, sitting and chatting with her friends 7feet away, while her son is here all alone. What kind of mother is she?”

I don’t give a damn” mom : “Mom look I am hanging upside down on the tree”. ” OK honey, just be careful.”

“Mom I fell down.” “It’s OK honey, you are strong enough. Go and play.”

“Mom I broke my arm.” “OK honey take care of my bag, I’ll just get the car and then we’ll go to the doctor.”

My idea of parenting

We all think our idea of parenting is the best and what the other person is saying or doing is wrong. 

But what’s right for you, may not be right for me. So we need to open our minds and hearts and keep experimenting.

But is there a specific, correct way of parenting? I guess not. Like every kid is different, the same way, parenting differs with them. 

A lot depends on the environment we live in and the kind of people we have around us. We can’t apply a rule which is right for one to be right for another. After all every child is different in its own way.

So what are the common things we can teach our children?

Here are a few things that I tell my children on almost a daily basis.

  • Be kind to everyone. Tell your kids to be kind towards not just other kids but towards animals, underprivileged children, homeless people,beggars etc.
  • Tell your kids to be helpful, everyday to everyone they can. Never back out from lending a helping hand. Have them help you in the kitchen and garden. Tell them to help their siblings, friends and family.
  • Teach them to take a stand for themselves.
  • Be happy. It’s important to have fun in life. Play, create something new, draw on the walls (its ok you can get it painted again ☺️). Go to park. Sneak on the ice creams and hidden treats  at night. Enjoy life.
  • Encourage your kids to have a hobby.
  • Don’t expect too much from your kids.
  • Respect their opinions.
  • Teach them sharing.
  • Have them spend time with grandparents.
  • Given the increasing rate of crime towards children, teach them to be careful. Make them learn any self defence technique. Teach them how to get out of a dangerous situation.
  • Tell them to read more and more. Books will be friend for life.
  • Encourage more outdoors than indoors. Go on picnics, walk in the parks and playdates.
  • No to videogames. Limit their time on TV and mobile phones.
  • Make it a habit of eating atleast one meal a day together and discuss your day with each other.
  • Let them earn things the hard way.
  • Don’t hesitate to ground them for their mistakes.
  • Don’t fill their pockets too much.
  • Teach them to value money and other things.
  • Don’t reward them too often.
  • Limit the expensive gifts.
  • Love them unconditionally for who they are, not what they do.
  • Discipline and setting limit is very important. Don’t worry about the anger and frustation, it will pass.
  • Let them take risk and learn from their own mistakes.
  • Talk to them about everything. Have open discussions at home and let them participate in them. Ask what they feel about every important decision at home.
  • Keep them away from negative environment. Don’t fight infront of them.

     That middle class girl 

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    Together forever!

    “Honey, the sink is just 3 steps away from the place you always keep your plate at.  Why can’t you take those 3 more steps and put it in the sink? Why is it so difficult for you?”

    “And this wet towel..? If you can’t hang it to dry, just leave it in the bathroom. Or you think the best place to put it, is the bed?”

    “when will you ever learn? It’s been 10 years now that we are married and I say the same things to you every day.  How come you still don’t understand?”

    “I am sure the toothpaste is lying open, along with the bathing gel and your underwear is still in the bathroom. How difficult can it be to put it in laundry and close the tube and put the cap on the bottle?”

    “I get tired all day, running behind the kids and you, and then I have to finish off my cooking, cleaning, laundry, pick and drop the kids to school and play dates. I hardly get time for myself. Do you know how much my writing suffers? Its the only passion I have, to write, and I hardly get time for that.”

    “Aah…! Damn these sport shoes, you again left them lying in the passage. I almost tripped. Why can’t you put them on the shoe rack? I have to do everything in this house. There is no one to help me.”

    He was silently listening to her, sipping his tea with one hand and holding the newspaper with another. He sometimes got irritated, but mostly enjoyed this morning episode everyday. After the kids left for school, this was the time he got to spend with her. Then he went to office and she got busy with her numerous errands. At times he deliberately left the towel on the bed, just to piss her off. Before leaving for the office, he would always kiss her goodbye and she would just smile and forget the morning’s little war they had.
    Ever since the kids were born, things had changed between them. The love and attention of his wife had shifted from him to their kids. They hardly got time to spend. She was always busy with the house and kids. 

    They would fight a lot on small things. Won’t talk for days. But they both waited for that one and a half hour they got alone, after the kids went to school.

    10 years had passed, they spoke less to each other, spent less alone time, she was always complaining and nagging, he was always busy with office and friends, but they had each other’s back. May be that’s what marriage is!

    One day, a friend came, and as usual, she was complaining about his misdoings, when her friend asked her, “Imagine, one day you have to choose between your husband and children. Who would you choose?”. The answer was obvious…Children! After all children are most important to any mother.

    She smiled and said,”I will choose my husband.”

    The friend got shocked and asked her why?

    She said, “Like any other mother my children are most important to me and I love them the most. But my son will grow up and have a wife and his own family. My daughter will get married and leave me. But my husband will never leave me, we will be together till the end. I know we fight a lot. I complain a lot. We don’t spend much time together. But we are still together and this phase will pass soon. When we grow old, our children will come visit and leave, to be with their own family, but our family will be us…we together. We have been together through the thick and thins of life. We don’t have any regrets. I know the passion is gone but we are stronger than that. The kids are small and he knows they need my attention more. And when they grow up and leave to make their own life, it will be us..just us two. And we will make it to the end!”

     That middle class girl 

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    Maternal Instinct!

    What is it like being a mother?

    The first thought of being a mother was more scary  than happy. The decision itself was very tough. I had to give up a lot. A lot that I loved. A lot that mattered to me. My freedom, my space, my career, my sleep, my love, my body,my whole life was about to change.
    But the pressure from the family and the ticking biological clock made me take the decision. But there was always a feeling of doubt.

    what if I won’t be a good mother? what if I fail to raise the child in a proper way? what if … there were many ‘what if’s’ and I searched and searched but couldn’t find the maternal instinct within me. So I gave up and just went with the flow, thinking, we’ll cross the bridge when we’ll come to it.

    The first three months were miserable. Morning sickness took the most of me and stayed with me until night and nausea was literally a part of my life. I couldn’t bear the smell of food being cooked in the kitchen. Few of my favourite recipes were enemies now. Couldn’t bear them in my eyes and nose range.

    Was this how I am going to be for next 9 months? I once fainted while shopping. So was prohibited from going to the mall too. I hated my life and my husband more for putting me in this situation. Nothing happened to him. He can go where he wants, eat what he wants, wear what he likes.

    First trimester passed and things started getting a little better. Nausea was gone but it was replaced by pain in the back and swelling in the feet. It got difficult to sit and to stand and to move and to pick something from the floor. I needed help all the time.

    The maternal instincts were still missing but yes when something moved or kicked inside the stomach, there was some feeling, I can’t give a name to. It wasn’t happiness, it wasn’t pain, it wasn’t anger. It was something I could not figure out.

    Numerous medicines and endless tests kept me at the end of my wit. I was mostly in foul mood. But everyone around me took care and was sympathetic towards me.

    Nine months passed and I got more nervous as the delivery date came closer. All the stories ever heard from my friends and relatives about how painful it is to give birth to a child gave me nightmares. But I also wanted to get it over with. I  waited and prayed for an easy delivery.

    The day finally came and I experienced the first contraction. And trust me, it was nothing like everyone said. It was much more than that. I thought I will never make it. I will die giving birth to this baby. My water broke and we rushed to the hospital. The doctor checked and told me it’s not time yet and they admitted me in the hospital. I was asked to do some breathing exercises, massage and have a warm bath or shower, as it will help ease pain during this early stage of labour.

    The pain was immense and after 10 hours from getting admitted in the hospital and a near death experience, I gave birth to a baby boy. I just saw his face and while the doctors took him away to clean him up, I made a promise to myself to not do it again, I was so relieved that the pain was gone that I slept.

    After I woke up, I was given this small bundle ,and the moment ,I ,with a lot of hesitation, took him in my arms, all the worries, pain, confusion, sickness, sadness, moodswing, all of it was long forgotten. All I could see was this baby that I gave birth to. Everything around us went into a blur. His small fingers were wrapped around my finger tightly. I touched his nose and he moved a little. He was sleeping in my arms. I gave him a gentle peck on the cheek and he opened his eyes and looked right at me. That was the moment I will never forget when we looked at each other for the first time and I became a “mother”. I knew I can never love anyone or anything more. My hidden maternal instincts were right there and I was all protective and loving and caring as a mother could be. I had a piece of me in my arms. A piece of my body and heart. A piece of my soul. He was inside my body just for nine months but he will stay in my heart forever….and ever…till the day I die.

     

      That middle class girl 

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