First blog post

Hey everyone, I know I am not a pro at writing but I have just begun. And I didn’t even knew I could until I picked up a pen and started to write and then it all came naturally to me. Through this blog I could write what I have in the heart of my heart, I could show the world what I feel and what I think. Let us all make a small family and lets begin our journey on a positive note. God bless our journey we are about to commence.

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My idea of parenting

We all think our idea of parenting is the best and what the other person is saying or doing is wrong. 

But what’s right for you, may not be right for me. So we need to open our minds and hearts and keep experimenting.

But is there a specific, correct way of parenting? I guess not. Like every kid is different, the same way, parenting differs with them. 

A lot depends on the environment we live in and the kind of people we have around us. We can’t apply a rule which is right for one to be right for another. After all every child is different in its own way.

So what are the common things we can teach our children?

Here are a few things that I tell my children on almost a daily basis.

  • Be kind to everyone. Tell your kids to be kind towards not just other kids but towards animals, underprivileged children, homeless people,beggars etc.
  • Tell your kids to be helpful, everyday to everyone they can. Never back out from lending a helping hand. Have them help you in the kitchen and garden. Tell them to help their siblings, friends and family.
  • Teach them to take a stand for themselves.
  • Be happy. It’s important to have fun in life. Play, create something new, draw on the walls (its ok you can get it painted again ☺️). Go to park. Sneak on the ice creams and hidden treats  at night. Enjoy life.
  • Encourage your kids to have a hobby.
  • Don’t expect too much from your kids.
  • Respect their opinions.
  • Teach them sharing.
  • Have them spend time with grandparents.
  • Given the increasing rate of crime towards children, teach them to be careful. Make them learn any self defence technique. Teach them how to get out of a dangerous situation.
  • Tell them to read more and more. Books will be friend for life.
  • Encourage more outdoors than indoors. Go on picnics, walk in the parks and playdates.
  • No to videogames. Limit their time on TV and mobile phones.
  • Make it a habit of eating atleast one meal a day together and discuss your day with each other.
  • Let them earn things the hard way.
  • Don’t hesitate to ground them for their mistakes.
  • Don’t fill their pockets too much.
  • Teach them to value money and other things.
  • Don’t reward them too often.
  • Limit the expensive gifts.
  • Love them unconditionally for who they are, not what they do.
  • Discipline and setting limit is very important. Don’t worry about the anger and frustation, it will pass.
  • Let them take risk and learn from their own mistakes.
  • Talk to them about everything. Have open discussions at home and let them participate in them. Ask what they feel about every important decision at home.
  • Keep them away from negative environment. Don’t fight infront of them.

Paul Adams bag review

The picture says it all. These bags are so colourful and vibrant, and they just match the current festive mood in India. 

These bags will go with both ethnic and western wear and will definitely add class to the whole ensemble.

They have a whole range of handbags, clutches, wallets, laptop bags, backpacks, slings and their fall collection is just out.

The material is super fine and they offer lots of space to keep all the girlie stuff like make up, phone, charger, perfumes, diary, stationary, book, accessories etc.

Quality wise the bags look awsome and long lasting.

These bags are available on 

http://www.pauladams.in

You can also find them on Amazon and Limeroad.

Go visit the website for more beautiful options before they are all sold out.

Where is everybody?

The malls are full,

Roadside shops are empty.

Roads are full,

Streets are empty.

Amusement parks are full,

Colony parks are empty.

TV rooms are full,

Playrooms are empty.

Restaurants are full,

Home kitchens are empty.

Weddings are full,

Funerals are empty.

Birthday messages are full,

Birthday parties are empty.

Virtual friends are full,

Get together s are empty.

Heads are full,

Hearts are empty.

Bank account are full,

Wallets are empty.

Donation boxes are full,

Beggar’s stomachs are empty.

Hatred is full,

Love is empty.

Revenge is full,

Forgiveness is empty.

Friendlist is full,

Real friends are empty.

Fashion is full,

Passion is empty.

Old age homes are full,

Grandparents rooms are empty.

Tears are full,

Laughter is empty.

Pretence is full,

Values are empty.

IQ’s are full,

Feelings are empty.

‘I’ is full

‘We’ is empty.

Romace is full,

Fidelity is empty.

Karva Chauth 2017

In India the festive season is on full bloom. Markets are superbusy and super crowded. Malls are full. Roads are jammed. Everything and everyone around is colourful, vibrant and happy.

Yesterday was Karva Chauth.

Karva Chauth is a one-day festival celebrated by Hindu women in Northern India, in which married women fast from sunrise to moonrise for the safety and longevity of their husbands.The festival falls on the fourth day after the full moon, in the Hindu lunisolar calendar month of Kartik. Sometimes, unmarried women join the fast for their fiancés or desired husbands.

     karva is another word for ‘pot’ (a small earthen pot of water) and chauth means ‘fourth’ in Hindi (a reference to the fact that the festival falls on the fourth day of dark fortnight)
 

A few days before Karva Chauth, married women would buy new karvas – spherical clay pots then visit each other on the day of Karva Chauth and exchange these karvas.

    Women begin preparing for Karva Chauth a few days in advance, by buying cosmetics,  traditional adornments or jewellery, and puja items, such as the Karva lamps, henna and the decorated puja plate. 

Some Punjabi ladies eat sargi which is a pre-dawn meal. It is traditional for the sargi to be sent or given to the fasting woman by her mother-in-law. If she lives with her mother-in-law, the pre-dawn meal is prepared by the mother-in-law.

 
The fast begins at dawn. Fasting women do not eat during the day. They apply henna and other cosmetics to themselves and each other. 

In the evening women dress in fine clothing and wear jewellery. 
 
 The dresses are frequently red, gold or orange, which are considered auspicious colors.The women sit in a circle with their puja plates, and a version of the story of Karva Chauth is narrated.



Thereafter, the fasters offer food to the idol and hand over to their mother-in-law. 

Once the moon is visible, fasting woman, with her husband nearby, view the moon through a sieve. Water is offered to the moon to secure its blessings. She then turns to her husband and views his face through the same sieve. 

 
The husband now takes the water and gives his wife her first sip and feeds her with the first morsel of the day (usually something sweet). The fast is now broken, and the woman can now have a complete meal.

So this is how this festival is celebrated. Even in these modern times people still respect and believe in this tradition and follow it with open heart. Although it has been commercialized a lot by the TV soaps and movies, which only has added to the glory of this festival and people of all the religion and caste celebrate it in the most glorious manner.

Hurdles of life

“Momma I can’t let Sara win this time.”

“But Akira, she’s  your best friend!”

“So what mumma? Last time she won the race, she was teasing me. This time I won’t let her tease me.”

“Ok darling, you have practiced a lot this time. Just focus on the hurdles and forget about winning or losing. It’s ok to lose. What matters is that, if you want something, you work hard for it and give your best. Rest everything will fall in its place on it’s own.”

“No mom I will win this time.”

“Ok, ok, fine..but if you lose, remember I will still be proud of you.”

“Ok bye mom, love you!”

“Bye love. Be careful.”

“Mom be there on time and tell dad he needs to cheer for me.”

“Yes..bye!”

How was I suppose to make my 7 years old daughter understand, that its ok to lose. You can’t always win. That its important to try, to work towards it and give your best shot, than to think about winning or losing. Hopefully she will understand when she grows up. 

The race began. We all took our seats and started cheering with the rest of the parents.

It was a 300 metres hurdle race. Akira had practiced a lot and I was sure she will do good here. Even if she doesn’t win, she will do good.

Akira and Sara were almost running together. Sara was fast. Akira was trying hard to keep up. I knew, that in her mind, the race was not with the rest of the children, but with Sara. 

There were moments when Sara was ahead and then Akira catched up and went ahead of her. Rest of the children were far behind. It was these two who were acing the race.

Last 80 metres were left when Sara lost her balance, on one of the hurdles and fell down. She was hurt in the knee. She tried to get up but couldn’t. Akira was a few feets ahead of Sara, when she heard her scream. She looked back and saw Sara bleeding on the track. Akira slowed down for a moment, but when she saw other children catching up, she resumed her race. She went forward a few feets but then suddenly she just stopped and came back to Sara, picked her up, moved away from the track, and made her sit on the grass just next to the racing track. None of the other children stopped. Just then there was a whistle. The race was over.

The teachers had reached the spot by then and had moved Sara, on a stretcher, to the medical room. Akira was with her all the time. 

After the prize distribution was over I saw Akira sitting disappointed in a corner. She had tears in her eyes. I went close to her and hugged her.

“Mom I didn’t win. I am sorry.”

“Oh no my dear. You did win! You won everybody’s heart out there. What you did was amazing. I know how much you wanted to win and you could have, easily, but you gave up all that and stopped and helped Sara. I can’t be happier. Even though you lost the race, I am glad you learnt the most important thing, to be compassionate, to help people, to be kind. I can’t tell you how proud I am today.”

“When Sara fell down, I did not expect you to stop. I thought you will complete the race. But you proved me wrong and I am glad you did.”

“Life is not about winning or losing. Life is about what you have learned when all is said and done. This hurdle race doesn’t count my dear. What counts is how you run the race of your life, sometimes you will win, sometimes you will lose. But you need to keep going with an open heart and take the people around you with you. This race was not just a hurdle race, it was life, and how you face those hurdles, makes you who you are and I am glad you are a good person. ”

Life is a race and you can’t win alone.

Together forever!

“Honey, the sink is just 3 steps away from the place you always keep your plate at.  Why can’t you take those 3 more steps and put it in the sink? Why is it so difficult for you?”

“And this wet towel..? If you can’t hang it to dry, just leave it in the bathroom. Or you think the best place to put it, is the bed?”

“when will you ever learn? It’s been 10 years now that we are married and I say the same things to you every day.  How come you still don’t understand?”

“I am sure the toothpaste is lying open, along with the bathing gel and your underwear is still in the bathroom. How difficult can it be to put it in laundry and close the tube and put the cap on the bottle?”

“I get tired all day, running behind the kids and you, and then I have to finish off my cooking, cleaning, laundry, pick and drop the kids to school and play dates. I hardly get time for myself. Do you know how much my writing suffers? Its the only passion I have, to write, and I hardly get time for that.”

“Aah…! Damn these sport shoes, you again left them lying in the passage. I almost tripped. Why can’t you put them on the shoe rack? I have to do everything in this house. There is no one to help me.”

He was silently listening to her, sipping his tea with one hand and holding the newspaper with another. He sometimes got irritated, but mostly enjoyed this morning episode everyday. After the kids left for school, this was the time he got to spend with her. Then he went to office and she got busy with her numerous errands. At times he deliberately left the towel on the bed, just to piss her off. Before leaving for the office, he would always kiss her goodbye and she would just smile and forget the morning’s little war they had.
Ever since the kids were born, things had changed between them. The love and attention of his wife had shifted from him to their kids. They hardly got time to spend. She was always busy with the house and kids. 

They would fight a lot on small things. Won’t talk for days. But they both waited for that one and a half hour they got alone, after the kids went to school.

10 years had passed, they spoke less to each other, spent less alone time, she was always complaining and nagging, he was always busy with office and friends, but they had each other’s back. May be that’s what marriage is!

One day, a friend came, and as usual, she was complaining about his misdoings, when her friend asked her, “Imagine, one day you have to choose between your husband and children. Who would you choose?”. The answer was obvious…Children! After all children are most important to any mother.

She smiled and said,”I will choose my husband.”

The friend got shocked and asked her why?

She said, “Like any other mother my children are most important to me and I love them the most. But my son will grow up and have a wife and his own family. My daughter will get married and leave me. But my husband will never leave me, we will be together till the end. I know we fight a lot. I complain a lot. We don’t spend much time together. But we are still together and this phase will pass soon. When we grow old, our children will come visit and leave, to be with their own family, but our family will be us…we together. We have been together through the thick and thins of life. We don’t have any regrets. I know the passion is gone but we are stronger than that. The kids are small and he knows they need my attention more. And when they grow up and leave to make their own life, it will be us..just us two. And we will make it to the end!”

Maternal Instinct!

What is it like being a mother?

The first thought of being a mother was more scary  than happy. The decision itself was very tough. I had to give up a lot. A lot that I loved. A lot that mattered to me. My freedom, my space, my career, my sleep, my love, my body,my whole life was about to change.
But the pressure from the family and the ticking biological clock made me take the decision. But there was always a feeling of doubt.

what if I won’t be a good mother? what if I fail to raise the child in a proper way? what if … there were many ‘what if’s’ and I searched and searched but couldn’t find the maternal instinct within me. So I gave up and just went with the flow, thinking, we’ll cross the bridge when we’ll come to it.

The first three months were miserable. Morning sickness took the most of me and stayed with me until night and nausea was literally a part of my life. I couldn’t bear the smell of food being cooked in the kitchen. Few of my favourite recipes were enemies now. Couldn’t bear them in my eyes and nose range.

Was this how I am going to be for next 9 months? I once fainted while shopping. So was prohibited from going to the mall too. I hated my life and my husband more for putting me in this situation. Nothing happened to him. He can go where he wants, eat what he wants, wear what he likes.

First trimester passed and things started getting a little better. Nausea was gone but it was replaced by pain in the back and swelling in the feet. It got difficult to sit and to stand and to move and to pick something from the floor. I needed help all the time.

The maternal instincts were still missing but yes when something moved or kicked inside the stomach, there was some feeling, I can’t give a name to. It wasn’t happiness, it wasn’t pain, it wasn’t anger. It was something I could not figure out.

Numerous medicines and endless tests kept me at the end of my wit. I was mostly in foul mood. But everyone around me took care and was sympathetic towards me.

Nine months passed and I got more nervous as the delivery date came closer. All the stories ever heard from my friends and relatives about how painful it is to give birth to a child gave me nightmares. But I also wanted to get it over with. I  waited and prayed for an easy delivery.

The day finally came and I experienced the first contraction. And trust me, it was nothing like everyone said. It was much more than that. I thought I will never make it. I will die giving birth to this baby. My water broke and we rushed to the hospital. The doctor checked and told me it’s not time yet and they admitted me in the hospital. I was asked to do some breathing exercises, massage and have a warm bath or shower, as it will help ease pain during this early stage of labour.

The pain was immense and after 10 hours from getting admitted in the hospital and a near death experience, I gave birth to a baby boy. I just saw his face and while the doctors took him away to clean him up, I made a promise to myself to not do it again, I was so relieved that the pain was gone that I slept.

After I woke up, I was given this small bundle ,and the moment ,I ,with a lot of hesitation, took him in my arms, all the worries, pain, confusion, sickness, sadness, moodswing, all of it was long forgotten. All I could see was this baby that I gave birth to. Everything around us went into a blur. His small fingers were wrapped around my finger tightly. I touched his nose and he moved a little. He was sleeping in my arms. I gave him a gentle peck on the cheek and he opened his eyes and looked right at me. That was the moment I will never forget when we looked at each other for the first time and I became a “mother”. I knew I can never love anyone or anything more. My hidden maternal instincts were right there and I was all protective and loving and caring as a mother could be. I had a piece of me in my arms. A piece of my body and heart. A piece of my soul. He was inside my body just for nine months but he will stay in my heart forever….and ever…till the day I die.